"the bouquet residence, the lady of the house speaking"
Q "Are you an idiot?"
A. "Yes. How could it be otherwise."
Q. "Why do you do stupid web sites like this?"
A. "See above."
Q "Are you in the pay of the Redmond suits?"
A "Who isn't."
Q "Are you backwards compatible?"
A "My friend, I am backwards in all things."
Q "Is it true that you are in love with yourself?"
A "Well, I do wear glasses." (cheap sexual allusion)
Q "Do you, in fact, wear your wife's dresses?"
A "I would if we used the same size."
Q "are you paranoid?"
A "Yes. You would be too if everyone talked about you behind your back."
Q "What is your favourite joke?"
A "Microsoft."
Q "What is the most tragic thing that has been done to mankind?"
A "Microsoft."
Q "Is it true that you are ignorant and apathetic?"
A "Could be, but to be perfectly honest, I don't know and I don't care."
Q "What is your hope for the future?"
A "Linux."
Q "Are you really Bill Gates in disguise?"
A "No disguise is that good."
Q "Are you the Dark Lord in disguise?"
A "I just answered that."
Q "How do you pronounce 'Linux'?"
A "Very easily."
Q "Have you every visited the US of A?"
A "No, actually I've never left this planet."
Q "If you want to appear real macho, what do you do?"
A "Invade Grenada."
Q "Are you racist?"
A "Yes, I love going to the races."
Q "Are you religious?"
A "Not really, I'm a lapsed atheist."
Q "What is a lapsed atheist?"
A "Someone who believes God exists, but that He has stepped out for a while."
Q "Do you have political affiliations?"
A "No no, I'm perfectly honest."
Q "Are you, per chance, a right winger?"
A "No, I always played in the forwards. When I made the team, that is."
Q "Are you a lawyer?"
A "No, I want to go to heaven when I die."
Q "What is the greatest thing that a human can aspire to?"
A "Membership of the Australian Cricket Team."
Q "What is the lowest thing a human can become?"
A "A legally qualified, bribe taking, American journalist entering politics."
Q "What do you want to be when (if) you grow up?"
A "Human."
Q "Why?"
A "Something different."
Q "What is your greatest wish?"
A "To see all ladies legs go open source."
Q "When do these crappy questions and answers finish?"
A "As soon as you like."
My boss has balls!
We bravely show our faces to the public to demonstrate how we have the courage of our convictions. Actually, most of our convictions are for 'drunk and disorderly', or 'vagrancy'.
The late, great, Ronnie Self and his band.
Copyright © 2001 Brian Brett
